gender behavior?

woman-scan-gun

Interesting conversation, yesterday, about the “male” and “female” ways of doing things. For example, if there’s a baseball game and one kid has struck out, is it OK to give that kid one more swing? By me, it’s a specific game with specific parameters and why play it if you’re going to change the rules midway? I’m told the “female” response is generally to give the kid one more chance.

I have problems with that on *so* many levels.

First of all, what makes people think that a kid who hasn’t hit the ball so far will suddenly develop the skill when the pressure is even higher? or that they won’t be triply traumatized if they miss again?

And B (as Paul Reiser would say), what does this teach kids about following rules? At this point in time I’ve little against anarchy, which seems like it might-could-be the only way to get out of the fear-entrenched stranglehold Congress has on the populace, but the reason two-year-olds have tantrums is that they’re used to a set of rules which has inexplicably changed. (I find the “Aw, let ’em have another go” mentality to be just such an inexplicable change, similar with some leaders’ modern practise of penalizing people who show up on time by waiting for latecomers.)

Not to mention (but I am, as you’ll notice) the plethora of studies over the past few years about the detrimental effects, both personally and societally, of overpraising children or rewarding them for doing not so much and seldom by their own choice.

I’ll cop to trying to fix women-friends’ complaints, even tho I’ve been told time and again that women like to bitch because they feel better after they’ve gotten it out (and even tho the Dalai Lama is quite specific that we excel at those things we practice, like complaining). But another of my traits is compassion to the point of empathy. And another is the ability to listen, really listen and hear, for long periods of time.

We talk about having “male” and “female” traits, and maybe that’s one thing holding gender parity back. I know a number of compassionate men and another number of proactive women. So could the trick of integrating the human condition be to stop gender-naming traits?

Maybe I’ll try again.

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